Fann þetta á
www.m5board.com. Verð bara að deila þessu með ykkur, mér fannst þetta svo fyndið.
Þetta er af þræði um hvernig á að skipta sjálfur um olíu á M5.
---
Great post, NAKA. Thanks for the information. I've been changing my oil in a completely different way, and wanted to see what you thought.
Steps:
1) Set aside a whole weekend for this procedure. Make sure wife (if applicable) and children (if applicable) are as far from the home as possible to avoid interruptions and children learning a whole new vocabulary. Unplug the telephone and turn off your cell phone during this process.
2) 6:00 AM. Move car into garage. drive up onto ramps. Let it cool off for a while, but not too long (I don't like working on a cold car)
2) 6:15 AM. Make yourself a Martini. Fill a pint glass half full with ice. Fill to top of ice with Gin or Vodka of choice (don't forget to store your gin/vodka in the freezer). I prefer Tanqeray or Belvedere. Cover with cup and shake. Remove chilled Martini glass from freezer. Tip glass with lemon twist. Strain into glass. Twist lemon over top and drop into glass.
3) 6:45 AM. Make another Martini. Contemplate the task ahead. Circle the car as you would when sizing up an opponent. Look it in the eyes. Circle behind it so it can't see you (this really psyches out the opponent).
4) 7:00 AM. In direct view of the car, lay out all of the items necessary to complete the task. While laying out these items, carefully clean each instrument with a clean cloth. Look over at the car manacingly while wiping the instruments slowly. When you are done laying out all the instruments, go make yourself another Martini.
5) 8:30 AM. Change into attire appropriate for this task. I tend to like work pants, old shoes, a white lab coat, and surgical gloves (powderless). A knit cap if it's cold or a painters cap (small brim) if it's warm.
6) 8:45 AM. Begin reading oil-change procedure manual. (I keep copies of oil-changing procedures in a binder for later review. Each sheet should be in a plastic protective layer to prevent staining from oiled hands/tools)
7) 9:00 AM. Approach car stating "This won't hurt a bit, darling. Just sit back and relax and it will all be over in a Jiffy" (pun intended)
9:01 AM. Remove cover and drain oil per procedure (thanks for the pic's NAKA, great help). While the oil is draining, lay under the car humming Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries".
9) 9:15 AM. Once the oil has mostly drained, climb out from under car and laugh menacingly (Like Dr. Evil) and state that "Your lifeblood has been removed...now it is time for the transplant"
10) 9:35 AM. Make yourself one more Martini before proceeding to the next crucial step...filter transplant...
11) 9:50 AM. Carefully remove the filter cover and filter from the filter canister. Be careful not to drip the lifeblood on the engine or the floor (or all over your white lab coat). Treat the removed oil filter with great care and reverence. Make sure to show the removed oil filter to the car, sweeping it by the front slowly as you place it on a tray in full view, it's lifeblood dripping from it as it is discarded.
12) 9:58 AM. Replace the plug with a new washer.
13) 10:10 AM. Snap the new filter to the filter cap. Pour oil into the filter canister and slide the new filter/cap in slowly, mubling technical verbage quitely to yourself. Occasionally utter "Uh-Oh...what the...Oh, it's O.K. Keep going" Turn the cap slowly as you tighten the cap/filter in place...
14) 10:25 AM. Replace the lifeblood of the vehicle slowly, reproducing each step methodically as you complete the task... With each quart, remove the cap. Place the cap on the table, empty the oil into the engine, being careful to wipe up any stray drops. If you do spill inadvertently, make a HUGE deal of it, scrambling to find a clean rag and rushing to clean up the mess. Don't let the vehicle know what's going on, it adds to the tension...When each quart is emptied, replace the cap and line up the empties carefully. Replace the cap when done.
15) 11:00 AM. Breath a big sigh when you have competed the process so far. Strip the gloves off your hands with a snap and toss them into the garbage. Look at the vehicle with a blank look as you do, wiping your hands with a clean towel slowly. Shake your head slowly from side to side if you'd like.
16) 11:11 AM. Making sure that you don't have any oil on your clothing, carefully step into the vehicle. Insert the key and shout "CLEAR" before turning the key. Once the vehicle has started, back down off the ramps, let it run for a minute or two before turning it off. Let the oil drain down and check level once more.
17) 11:14 AM. Assuming everything goes well, smile enthusiastically and announce to the vehicle that everything went mostly as planned, and there should be complete recovery from this ordeal.
18) 11:21 AM. Make yourself one more Martini. Place a chair in front of vehicle and discuss rehabilitation...slow country drives at first, followed by intermediate highway driving. Return to full speed activities should resume within a few days...
19) 11:50 AM. Congratulations...you've done it! Celebrate with one last Martini. When the wife/kids arrive home, let them know how the procedure went. Don't bore them with the technical details, it's better to just leave them in the dark with respect to the procedure itself. Let them know that they can see the vehicle resting quietly in the garage if they'd like.
__________________
M-Fünf (a.k.a. Jeff)
---
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
